What follows is part two of the testimony of a young newlywed husband, Robert and his wife, Sarah. The first part of his testimony, you can find on Biblicalgenderroles.com in an article entitled “A Newlywed Christian Husband’s Experience with Incorporating Domestic Discipline”.
“The first change was my wife realized that she had been defrauding me by turning me down for sex too often. Just the email conversations with the wife of the mentor team is all she needed. She was convicted, and changed quickly from saying no too often to saying yes very nearly every time now. If she does say no, it is an ask if it is OK if we wait until tomorrow? Then she makes sure she delivers on the rain check.
The other changes sometimes required a spanking to help her get over some specific barriers. I was able to get her to submit to many of the big ones on every man’s Wishlist. Masturbating in front of me with a vibrator and even a dildo, posing for nude photos, making videos of herself masturbating to orgasm, and learning to swallow my semen after I cum in her mouth during oral sex.
Guys, if this has not got your attention, you need to check your pulse.
We also were able to talk openly about the fact that I am attracted to and often sexually excited by other women. I made it clear that I would not act on it, that our relationship is safe; but the attraction is there and it is OK. God created men with a polygamous nature.
That is a good list of the benefits, now let’s talk some on the short-term costs.
When you first start to make some of these changes, whether it is her having sex when you desire and not just when she does or asking her to do things sexually that she has never done before she is going to put you on a guilt trip guys! And she is going to make you feel like a selfish jerk. Be ready for that. And honestly, at first you may feel very uncomfortable forcing her to change like this too. But these changes require both you and your wife to go beyond your comfort zones. To do things that at first feel very uncomfortable.
And it is almost guaranteed that when you first spank her to get her over some of these sexual barriers, she will not be happy about it.
You see as men in our modern post-feminist culture, we have been conditioned to obey the woman’s wishes in the sexual arena. The wife controls how often a couple engages in sexual relations and when they do engage in sexual relations, she controls what they will or will not do.
Even if some men exercise some headship over their wives outside the bedroom, most men exercise no headship over their wives in the bedroom. And I was one of these men before I decided to make this change.
My wife was controlling the sexual relationship. We only did what she felt comfortable with and we only did it when she wanted to. But we are very early in our marriage and I knew it was not too late to make these kinds of changes and really to set the right tone in the sexual area for the rest of our lives together.
What I learned via the mentoring and the application of domestic discipline was the sexual relationship will include whatever I desire within the limits of God’s law. It can’t involve sexual relationships outside marriage, and you can’t do her any serious physical harm.
Now I am happy to say that our sexual relationship aligns with how it is commanded in the Bible and I have claimed complete ownership over my wife’s body as God intends for every man to do. It has taken several months, but we are both happier with the new dynamic. I am happier because of my wife’s complete sexual submission and she is happier because of the resulting passion that her sexual submission to me brings out toward her.”
What we learn from this Husband’s Testimony
There are several things that men can take away from this newlywed husband’s testimony.
Every young Christian husband must recognize he has been brainwashed by our post-feminist culture and even by his church from the time he first realized his masculine sexual desires. He has been brainwashed to believe that his masculine sexual nature is a selfish and shallow nature and at the same time he has been taught that the feminine more emotionally based sexual nature is the more noble sexual nature. And because of all this, he has been taught to follow a woman’s lead in the sexual arena.
Then of course we have the “selfless sex” teachings of many churches. Those churches that teach men and women should not engage in sex for their own pleasure, but only for the pleasure of the other. But it what it really translates to is “men should only have sex when their wives want to and in the way their wives want it”. And if a man wants sex when his wife does not want it or in a way she does not want to do it, he is called selfish by most Christian counselors and pastors today.
But the good news is that Robert followed the admonition of Romans 12:2 which states “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God”. He realized in the sexual arena he had conformed himself to what the world and his church told him about sex and not what the Bible said about sex.
Robert came to realize that according to 1 Corinthians 11:9, he was not made for his wife, but rather his wife was made for him. He came to realize that his wife’s body, her breasts her vagina and even her very desire for sex was made for him and that is why the Bible says men should not deny sexual relations to their wives in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. He saw that God says sex is “the natural use of the woman” in Romans 1:27 and God never calls sex “the natural use of the man”. That God only says of the man and not the woman, that the man is to have his wife satisfy all his sexual desires as seen in Proverbs 5:18-19.
In other words, Robert realized that contrary to modern feminist and church teachings, his desire to use his wife’s body to satisfy all his sexual desires was not selfish and sinful, but rather these desires are part of God’s design of man and he encourages men to exercise these desires with their wives.
And then Robert incorporated his new found Biblical knowledge of domestic discipline with his newfound Biblical knowledge of sex. He came to realize that just as his wife sins in areas like finances or disrespecting him, she also sins in the sexual arena.
Robert realized that Ephesians 5:25-27’s call for husbands to wash their wives was not limited to non-sexual areas, but it also very much included obedience in the sexual arena. That Revelation 3:19’s call for men to rebuke and chasten their wives as Christ does his churches also applied to willful disobedience by wives in regard to their bodies.
And speaking of his wife’s body. Robert learned that a wife’s sexual obedience incorporates more than just her being willing to have sexual relations with her husband how and when he so desires. It also includes the display of her body. Her sexual obedience might mean she wears a bikini to the beach whether she is comfortable with wearing a bikini or not. And maybe at that same beach some of his guy friends and their wives might be there. But she still needs to obey.
Her sexual obedience might mean her wearing a much more revealing set of clothing for date night. Her sexual obedience might even require her making nude photos for her husband or making masturbation videos and sending them to him on his phone.
God commands that men are to use their wife’s body to satisfy their every sexual desire within the limits of his law. So yes, outside of engaging in any form of sexual relations with other people like orgies or swinging or doing things that could risk serious physical harm men may fully enjoy their wife’s bodies both in the area of sexual relations and in the display of their wife’s beauty.
The overwhelming vast majority of men hold back on ever expressing their sexual desires to their wives because they know they will be shot down. Their desires will be seen as “selfish”, “shallow”, “gross”, or “perverted” by their wives. And many men simply do not want to rock the boat in their marriage. They just want peace.
But in doing this most men are disobeying the Word of God. God commands men to satisfy their sexual desires, not suppress them! But he wants them to satisfy them within the bounds of his law. And he has given them their wives bodies to help satisfy those desires.
And it is no more wrong for a man to compel his wife’s obedience in the sexual area, than it is for him to compel her obedience in any other area. In fact, far too often even pro-life Christians are guilty of applying the false humanist “my body, my choice” philosophy to women and sex in marriage.
We also need to realize that as in other areas of life, there are benefits to both the husband and wife in obeying God’s design in the sexual arena. The benefits to the husband when his wife is sexually obedient are obvious. But there are also benefits that wives reap by being fully obedient to their husbands in the sexual arena. I will cover that when I show Robert’s wife’s perspective on sexual obedience in the companion article to this one.