I recently had a woman named Monica write me about 10 rules for sex that her husband gave her at the beginning their marriage. These rules are very good applications of what the Bible says about submission and sex in marriage. I asked how many years Monica and her husband have been married in a followup email and she responded that they have been married for 13 years. So ladies listen up. These rules have made for both a holy and happy marriage for Monica and her husband and they will for you as well if you follow them.
Below is Monica’s email to me with her husband’s rules for her that she has tried to live by during their 13 year marriage. The only thing I have added are Scripture references at the end of each rule so that you will see that each of these rules are Biblical.
Monica’s Husband’s 10 Rules of Sex
Hello Sir! I’m so glad that I found your site! It’s hard to find a Christian blog that is honest about sexuality and marriage. I wish that you had been around when I got engaged. I got married when I was only nineteen and had a lot to learn, it would have been really helpful to already have thought about all the things you teach. You actually got me thinking about the advice I wish I had gotten, and the things that I would have told my younger self and that I would tell young Christian girls who are going to enter into a faith based marriage these days. I hope you don’t mind me sharing what I came up with. I was lucky because my husband gave me strict rules to follow which helped me a lot. They are basically what I have written down here. Following his rules has led to a healthy sexual relationship and marriage.
1. Obedience means complete obedience. No exceptions. If you can pick and choose when to obey you aren’t actually being obedient. Sex is an important part of marriage and being totally sexually obedient to your husband is part of your vows. Respect your husband’s authority over you in every aspect of your life, as God intended. (Ephesians 5:22-24)
2. Your main pleasure from sex comes from you pleasing your husband. Sometimes sex will be physically pleasureful for you and sometimes it won’t be physically pleasureful for you, but either way if you satisfy your husband then you will be fulfilled knowing that you have pleased your man. ( Romans 1:27, Proverbs 5:18-19, Song of Solomon 4:16)
3. Your husband carries great responsibility as the head of your household. It is very stressful to be your family’s leader, provider and protector, and sex is an important way to relieve that stress. Sometimes your husband is going to demand sex at an inconvenient time, or when you are tired. Remember that he probably needs a physical release to help him get through a hard day. (Romans 1:27, Proverbs 5:18-19, Song of Solomon 4:16)
4. A man wants an enthusiastic sexual partner. Sometimes you are going to feel that what your husband demands of you is degrading or humiliating. Your obligation is to submit to him, so always have a smile on your face and an eager to please attitude when your husband demands your sexual service, no matter what it is. (Romans 1:27, Proverbs 5:18-19, Song of Solomon 4:16)
5. Every man has his own personal sexual needs and desires and your responsibility is to meet those needs the way you husband chooses. He is going to train you to please him the way he wants and you need to work your hardest to learn what he likes and to always be attentive to his particular needs and preferences. (Jeremiah 18:6)
6. Men are visual creatures and you need to keep your body in shape and always look your best. Work out and eat right to keep slim and sexy. Pay attention to your hair and makeup even if you are just at home. Embrace body modifications if your husband thinks they will enhance your beauty. (Psalm 45:11)
7. Dress the way that your husband instructs. Men like to show off their wives. You are your husband’s prize. Wearing revealing clothes does not make you a slut. You can be a faithful Christian wife and also look like a sexy, desirable woman when your husband takes you out to dinner or out on the town or to the beach. It might take you some time to feel comfortable with some outfits but you will be happy when you sense your husband’s pride when he shows you to the world and lets people know you belong to him. (Psalm 45:11-15)
8. The Bible is very clear that your husband is your master and that God expects you to always respect his absolute authority over you, and to serve and obey him in every way. As my husband has told me many times, I can do things the hard way or the easy way, but either way I am going to do them. So take the easy way by submitting to him with a smile on your face! (1 Peter 3:5-6)
9. Sometimes your husband will need to punish you when you fall short of his expectations. Be grateful that he takes the time to correct your behavior and thank him for helping to make you a better Christian wife. (Revelation 3:19)
10. A sexually satisfied husband makes for a happy home and marriage, and the key to a sexually satisfied husband is a wife who thinks of his sexual pleasure and embraces her submission to him. Be your husband’s sexual pet, always cheerful and humbly grateful for being the woman that he has chosen to please him. (Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 31:12, Romans 1:27, Proverbs 5:18-19, Song of Solomon 4:16)
I can say that at least for me these rules have worked well and our marriage is very strong. It was not all easy for me at first but once I embraced these principles and adopted the proper mindset I felt right, and I still feel that way years later. Cheers! Monica.