I recently had a woman named Monica write me about 10 rules for sex that her husband gave her at the beginning their marriage. These rules are very good applications of what the Bible says about submission and sex in marriage. I asked how many years Monica and her husband have been married in a followup email and she responded that they have been married for 13 years. So ladies listen up. These rules have made for both a holy and happy marriage for Monica and her husband and they will for you as well if you follow them.
Below is Monica’s email to me with her husband’s rules for her that she has tried to live by during their 13 year marriage. The only thing I have added are Scripture references at the end of each rule so that you will see that each of these rules are Biblical.
Monica’s Husband’s 10 Rules of Sex
Hello Sir! I’m so glad that I found your site! It’s hard to find a Christian blog that is honest about sexuality and marriage. I wish that you had been around when I got engaged. I got married when I was only nineteen and had a lot to learn, it would have been really helpful to already have thought about all the things you teach. You actually got me thinking about the advice I wish I had gotten, and the things that I would have told my younger self and that I would tell young Christian girls who are going to enter into a faith based marriage these days. I hope you don’t mind me sharing what I came up with. I was lucky because my husband gave me strict rules to follow which helped me a lot. They are basically what I have written down here. Following his rules has led to a healthy sexual relationship and marriage.
1. Obedience means complete obedience. No exceptions. If you can pick and choose when to obey you aren’t actually being obedient. Sex is an important part of marriage and being totally sexually obedient to your husband is part of your vows. Respect your husband’s authority over you in every aspect of your life, as God intended. (Ephesians 5:22-24)
2. Your main pleasure from sex comes from you pleasing your husband. Sometimes sex will be physically pleasureful for you and sometimes it won’t be physically pleasureful for you, but either way if you satisfy your husband then you will be fulfilled knowing that you have pleased your man. ( Romans 1:27, Proverbs 5:18-19, Song of Solomon 4:16)
3. Your husband carries great responsibility as the head of your household. It is very stressful to be your family’s leader, provider and protector, and sex is an important way to relieve that stress. Sometimes your husband is going to demand sex at an inconvenient time, or when you are tired. Remember that he probably needs a physical release to help him get through a hard day. (Romans 1:27, Proverbs 5:18-19, Song of Solomon 4:16)
4. A man wants an enthusiastic sexual partner. Sometimes you are going to feel that what your husband demands of you is degrading or humiliating. Your obligation is to submit to him, so always have a smile on your face and an eager to please attitude when your husband demands your sexual service, no matter what it is. (Romans 1:27, Proverbs 5:18-19, Song of Solomon 4:16)
5. Every man has his own personal sexual needs and desires and your responsibility is to meet those needs the way you husband chooses. He is going to train you to please him the way he wants and you need to work your hardest to learn what he likes and to always be attentive to his particular needs and preferences. (Jeremiah 18:6)
6. Men are visual creatures and you need to keep your body in shape and always look your best. Work out and eat right to keep slim and sexy. Pay attention to your hair and makeup even if you are just at home. Embrace body modifications if your husband thinks they will enhance your beauty. (Psalm 45:11)
7. Dress the way that your husband instructs. Men like to show off their wives. You are your husband’s prize. Wearing revealing clothes does not make you a slut. You can be a faithful Christian wife and also look like a sexy, desirable woman when your husband takes you out to dinner or out on the town or to the beach. It might take you some time to feel comfortable with some outfits but you will be happy when you sense your husband’s pride when he shows you to the world and lets people know you belong to him. (Psalm 45:11-15)
8. The Bible is very clear that your husband is your master and that God expects you to always respect his absolute authority over you, and to serve and obey him in every way. As my husband has told me many times, I can do things the hard way or the easy way, but either way I am going to do them. So take the easy way by submitting to him with a smile on your face! (1 Peter 3:5-6)
9. Sometimes your husband will need to punish you when you fall short of his expectations. Be grateful that he takes the time to correct your behavior and thank him for helping to make you a better Christian wife. (Revelation 3:19)
10. A sexually satisfied husband makes for a happy home and marriage, and the key to a sexually satisfied husband is a wife who thinks of his sexual pleasure and embraces her submission to him. Be your husband’s sexual pet, always cheerful and humbly grateful for being the woman that he has chosen to please him. (Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 31:12, Romans 1:27, Proverbs 5:18-19, Song of Solomon 4:16)
I can say that at least for me these rules have worked well and our marriage is very strong. It was not all easy for me at first but once I embraced these principles and adopted the proper mindset I felt right, and I still feel that way years later. Cheers! Monica.
Biblical Sexology 
These are great rules to live by in your marriage. My husband never gave me a set of rules however he trained me to be who he wanted me to be and to dress the way he wanted me to dress. We are getting ready to celebrate 42 years together and although we have had a few rough years when the kids were little and then I put on some weight and became jealous our life together has been good. I read his this article and he fully agreed with these as well. Thank you for sharing them. Over the past 2 1/2 years God has shown me that the jealousy had to go, let me tell you life got a whole lot better.
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Very good rules every wife should follow. I’m sure the 2th rule might be controversial for some people, but for truly submissive wife husband’s pleasure should be on the 1th place. He can make it pleasurable for her but it’s not his duty. For example after postpartum our sex was very painfull for me, but I never said “No.”. I knew he had many weeks with no sex, so I should follow his needs even if I couln’t feel any pleasure. To be specific: we had a green light from my doctor. There was no medical reason to avoid sex. Just my vagina was oversensitive and dry, so even with a lube it was painfull. For some people it might be shocking but for me it was obvious that I should obey in the bed after the green light from my doctor. In a week we should meet our 9th baby and also now I know I will obey him in the bed in 7 weeks. It’s my duty and I’m not going to fight with it.
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I loved these set of rules. Number 1 is so important and we do need to give total obedience to our husbands. They have us the opportunity to become a wife and to serve him. We could easily have been left on the shelf with no husband to protect us.
We must be always grateful that we have been given the gift of marriage.
I willingly sexually submit to my husband at all times. I love it when he sets my dress code along with hair styles and anything else I need to improve on.
I still disobey sometimes and find some rules hard to follow but he lovingly corrects me and I’m really grateful he does keep me in my proper place, as his submissive housewife.
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I’m a new wife. This helps a lot! Now I can understand my husband more and honor him the way God wanted. Thank you.
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Delightful. To all new wives, please note the willingness to submit. Nothing on earth will serve you as much as your FULL submission to your husband…NOTHING.
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My Filipina wife of 23 years has practiced these rules since the beginning. One day early on, she broke her house cleaning routine to meet my needs. Afterwards I told her I’m sorry to have interrupted her routine. There was no need. She replied “It’s ok, that’s my job too”. Ever since then I have felt not the slightest hesitation in demanding sex when and where I want and she has never once denied me, always smiling and always submissive. We are very happy.
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Thank you so much for this helpful article. I am growing in submission to my husband and in my relationship to the Lord, and realizing how interrelated the two are. He likes what this article says as well. I have saved it to my phone as a guide to check myself. I have given my husband full dominion over me in every way, but sometimes I goof up. I’m lucky to have him and his loving leadership.
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Amazing rules ! Without doubt every women / wife should follow them!
I’m going to married soon and I was looking for something like that how to become a good wife. I saved this blog to read every time when I will need it!
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These are incredibly important rules to live by. My husband demands, and thus has, my complete and total submission. He has consistently enforced and enacted almost this exact list with me over the course of our twenty-one year marriage. This list is a good primer in how to have a happy marriage and be an amazing wife. Obey, please, and respect your husbands, ladies. ❤
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I’m new to this but the article helped clarify some things for me as I thought this is what total submission meant but wasn’t sure. Thank you for this article as it will help me alot
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I wish my wife would honor these as the Bible intended , as I feel that it would improve our marriage. I do not feel fulfilled as her husband, and our marriage has suffered because of it.
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