For a woman, the difference between “slutty” and “sexy” is one word – Marriage. Proverbs 5:19 tells husbands to be ravished with their wife’s love. For a man to be ravished his wife must act in ravishing ways toward him.
Previously I have answered the question of “Why God Wants a Woman to Ravish Her Husband”. In this article I will explain HOW to ravish your husband using examples from the Song of Solomon as your guide.
The Scriptures tell us this regarding erotic (sexual love) in marriage:
“18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.”
Proverbs 5:19 (KJV)
But how can you as a Christian wife show erotic love toward your husband? In other words, how do you go about ravishing your husband?
While Proverbs 5:19 gives the mandate for wives to ravish their husbands – it does not give you the example of how to do it. Instead we must look to the Song of Solomon to find the examples of how a wife can ravish her husband.
With that being said below are several principles take from the Song of Solomon that will help guide in ways to ravish your husband.
Ravishing Principle #1 – Ravish him with your desire for him
“By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth…”
Song of Solomon 3:1 (KJV)
Ravishing a man starts with desire. You can’t ravish a man to whom you show no desire. Think about it another way from your perspective as a woman. If you are like 99 percent of women you want your husband to sit down and talk with you. If your husband sits down to talk and acts like he really does not want to but he has too is that satisfying for you? Of course, it is not. In the same way as a wife you need to cultivate a sexual desire for your husband.
Ravishing Principle #2 – Ravish him with your eyes
“Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.”
Song of Solomon 4:9 (KJV)
Are you one of those women that says to your husband when he gives you “the look” – “I know that look and you aren’t getting any today!” Or do you flirt back with your eyes? Would you even consider starting the flirting with your eyes? This is what is called for as part of ravishing your husband.
You could be at a friend or family members house. You could be sitting in some boring school meeting for your kids. You could be in line at the grocery store together. All it takes is a look to stoke the fire and ravish your husband’s heart!
Ravishing Principle #3 – Ravish him with your lips and your tongue
“Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue;”
Song of Solomon 4:11 (KJV)
Do not underestimate the powerful effect that your kisses can have on your husband. Kissing is a powerful teasing mechanism to ravish your husband and it is also an essential part of the sexual act itself. I have heard of women who rarely if ever kiss their husbands except to give him a kiss on the cheek. And how unnatural and unloving is it that a couple could have sexual relations and never kiss in this most intimate way the entire time? Yet this happens far too often in many Christian bedrooms. The Song of Solomon shows us that Christian women are to be letting their husbands get some tongue action! Yep right there we see French kissing in the Bible.
Ravishing Principle #4 – Ravish him with your body parts
“My beloved is like a roe or a young hart: behold, he standeth behind our wall, he looketh forth at the windows, shewing himself through the lattice… O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance…”
Song of Solomon 2:9 & 14a(KJV)
The allusion here in Song of Solomon 2:9 is that of her husband looking through windows at her or looking threw a wood screen that had vines on it. He was basically peeping at his wife. And guess what? It is perfectly ok for a man to peep at his wife anytime he wishes!
I could have titled this section “Ravish him with your beauty” but that would not have driven home the point that needs to be made to women. Women tend to see a man’s physical attraction in holistic terms where men see women as a collection of parts. It is routine for men to say “she has nice breasts, but her rear end is not as great” or “she has great legs but she is flat chested”. Women have a harder time breaking down men in this way and this is probably one of the hardest things for women to understand about the male nature. In fact this idea of men breaking women down by their various body parts infuriates many women.
So if I would have said “Ravish him with your beauty” and you are a typical woman you are thinking wear nice dresses, slacks, blouses, do your makeup and and wear your hair nice and to you as a woman that makes sense. While your husband appreciates all those things you do – those are not things that will cause him to be ravished by you.
You want to ravish your husband with your beauty? When you are wearing that pretty blouse and slacks – randomly pull up your shirt and show him your breasts. Sometimes instead of wearing that dainty blouse and pants you should find a nice tight pair of jeans or shorts(if it is warm) and a tight fitting V-neck T-shirt that will accentuate your breasts and reveal a little cleavage and make sure you tease him with your cleavage. Tease him by “accidentally” dropping something in front of him and bend over in front of him in those tight jeans or shorts.
Want to transform that long tee shirt you wear to bed and around the house? It is easy – don’t wear underwear. Who will know but him and you? And surprise him by pulling it up to reveal what you have hidden from him.
The husband of the Song of Solomon like all men asks his wife to “let me see thy countenance”. Your husband wants to see your form! Just the sight of you brings him great pleasure.
Let him see you getting dressed and undressed in your room. Let him see you in that towel as you get out of the shower – invite him to talk about something and then “accidentally” drop your towel in front of him.
And let’s not forget lingerie. Men love nudity but they also love variety. Lingerie gives the man variety. Really lingerie is like putting a lattice over your body – it lets him catch glimpses without seeing the full view until it is time. Men love this!
I want to come back to what I talked about earlier about wearing sexy clothes. A lot of Christian women dress like old ladies the moment they dress go outside the bedroom because they have had a false ideology concerning modesty drilled into their head. Modesty in the Bible does not mean what many think today as “non-sexual” and “non-arousing”. It means “appropriate to the occasion”. See my article “What is Biblical Modesty?” for more on this subject. It will really change your perspective if you look at what the Scriptures really have to say on the subject.
And hopefully after reading that you as a wife will feel more confident in dressing sexy for your husband inside the bedroom as well as outside the bedroom so that you can be doing everything you can on a regular basis to visually ravish(romance) your husband.
Ravishing Principle #5 – Ravish him by tasting of his apple tree
“As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”
Song of Solomon 2:3 (KJV)
In ancient middle eastern poetry, the apple tree was a euphemism for a man’s genitals. The image that the woman “sitting under his shadow” portrays is that of a man standing over top of his wife with his shadow over her and her down below him performing Fellatio (oral sex on a man). The Scriptures tell us she did this “with great delight” or in other words with enthusiasm and desire. What is the fruit of his tree? It is his semen. The woman says of her husband’s semen that it was “sweet to my taste”.
A lot of women are reluctant about performing fellatio on their husbands but the fact is that it is very difficult to ravish your husband without doing this. Most men do not even understand their own feelings about their desire for fellatio from their wives but they are there even if buried deeply for some. When a woman kneels before her husband and performs fellatio on him and completes the act this is a show of submission, acceptance and sacrifice toward him.
A wife shows her submission to her husband when she kneels before him and takes his “apple tree” in her mouth.
A wife shows her full acceptance of her husband when she does this act with “great delight” showing her husband that she craves the “sweet” taste of his fruit.
A wife shows her sacrificial spirit when after performing fellatio on her husband to its natural completion she asks for nothing in return.
In this way, the act of fellatio is a powerful and spiritual act that a wife performs toward her husband. There are few things in this world that will ravish a man’s heart for his wife like the sacrificial act of fellatio we have just described.
But this does not mean fellatio must always be a one-way transaction. Fellatio can be and should be a regular part of sexual relations between a man and his wife both as foreplay or as way to climax after regular intercourse.
Ravishing Principle #6 – Ravish him by inviting him to taste of your pomegranate
“I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate.”
Song of Solomon 8:2 (KJV)
In the same way that the apple tree was a euphemism for a man’s genitals in ancient middle eastern erotic poems so too the pomegranate was one of the euphemisms for a woman’s genitals.
Many women think of Cunnilingus (oral sex on a woman) as something that is simply for their own pleasure. In other words, their husband is only doing it to please them and he gets little to nothing out of the act. But this could not be further from the truth in most cases. Because men are such physical beings they are often drawn to perform cunnilingus on their wives and this gives a man great pleasure to experience his wife’s body in this way. In the following passage the husband of the Song of Solomon expresses his desire to perform cunnilingus on his wife:
“Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, I will get me to the mountain of myrrh, and to the hill of frankincense.”
Song of Solomon 4:6 (KJV)
The “mountain” and the “hill” represent the woman’s pubic mound and this is speaking of her genitals. Literally he is saying he wants to perform oral sex on his wife all night long – he loves the scent of her vagina and compares it to very expensive good smelling things.
It is unfortunate that there are some women that actually have phobias about their husbands performing cunnilingus on them. They see their vulva and vagina as “unclean” and not just at “that time of the month”. Others have been taught that God only allows vaginal intercourse and nothing else and in doing this they are denying themselves and their husbands a great tool that can be used to ravish his heart for her.
For a more in-depth discussion of the Biblical perspective on oral sex in marriage see my article “Why Christians Should Engage in Oral Sex“.
Ravishing Principle #7 – Ravish him by opening yourself to him
“I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock.”
Song of Solomon 5:5 (KJV)
If you have not figured out by now, the Song of Solomon is a very erotic book. It speaks of sexuality between a husband and wife in very free terms as God meant it to be. It has constant allusions to the bodily fluids that are exchanged between a man and woman. Again, here as in other passages throughout the Song of Solomon it compares a woman’s vaginal secretions to myrrh. Why are the woman’s hands literally dripping with her own vaginal secretions? It is because she was touching her own vagina moving the fluids in and out around her vulva.
This literally has the picture of a woman who is completely comfortable with her own body and she is opening herself to her beloved – spreading her legs and then using her fingers to open her vagina bringing its fluids out for her husband to see.
I realize what I have just said sounds disgusting to some women. If you have been raised in a prudish home where sex was never spoken of this may sound shocking. For others, it simply does not compute and the reason again is that most women approach sex primarily from the relational aspect with the physical aspect being a pleasant by-product. They are thinking to themselves – “I would not find it attractive if I walked in my bedroom and saw my husband spread eagle playing with himself so how in the world he finds me spread eagle touching myself attractive?”
And that ladies, is one of the many ways we can prove that men and women approach sex very differently. But the fact remains that men LOVE it when their wives “open” themselves to their husbands as their fingers drip with “sweet smelling myrrh”.
Both this principle as well as the previous principle dealing with not only allowing, but inviting your husband to drink “the juice” of your “pomegranate” will require you to truly have not just overall body confidence but confidence in your vulva and vagina. You have to truly let go of any insecurities you have in this area and fully present yourself to your husband in this regard.
Ravishing Principle #8 – Ravish him with your voice
“…let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice…”
Song of Solomon 2:14b (KJV)
Do you know how to whisper sweet nothings in your husband’s ear? While a husband might like to hear a soft whispered “I love you” that is not what will ravish him. No – the sweet nothings that will ravish your husband is “I can’t wait to get home and do [fill in the blank] to you” or “I can’t wait to get home and you do [fill in the blank] to me”.
Look at the speech here from the woman of Song of Solomon toward her husband. She has literally told him that she loves to sit in the shade of his “apple tree” (his penis) and she take thought his fruit(semen) was sweet to her taste.
As we previously showed the woman of Song of Solomon literally invites her husband to “to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate” (Song of Solomon 8:2). In addition to this she invites her husband to “blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.” (Song of Solomon 4:16)
Guess what ladies – God wants you to follow the example of the woman of the Song of Solomon by talking sexy to your husband! Text him sexy messages. Call him at lunch and tell him what you want to do later that evening. Notice I said “sexy” and not “dirty” – and that is because in marriage sexual talk between a husband and wife is just that – sexy and it in no way is dirty.
As I said at the beginning of this article – For a woman, the difference between “slutty” and “sexy” is one word – Marriage.
The Bible compares a man’s sexual desire for his wife to the purity of desiring water from one’s own well (Proverbs 5:15). We see the purity of sex in marriage attested to again in the New Testament:
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
Hebrew 13:4 (KJV)
We have shown examples from the Song of Solomon of a wife using all her God given feminine charms to ravish her husband as Proverbs 5:19 commands.
We see a woman using her attitude, her eyes, her lips, her body and her words to ravish her husband. We even see her speaking in very explicit sexual terms to her husband. She ravishes him with glimpses of her body throughout the day and the week knowing that each glimpse brings pleasure and joy to her husband. We see her taking great pleasure in giving her husband oral sex and she cultivates a desire for his semen. We see her inviting him into his garden and for him to drink of her pomegranate. She freely opens herself to him and is not shy to touch herself in his presence knowing how much pleasure this brings him.
So as a Christian woman reading this you have to ask yourself what is holding you back from following the example of the woman of the Song of Solomon in seducing your husband? Was it how you were raised? Were you taught that sex was dirty? Were you taught that women were not supposed to desire sex?
Maybe you see sex in more romantic and relational terms and you see this very physical, visual, sweaty and fluid filled view of sex as “base” or “nasty”. But is that how God frames it in his Word?
The Bible compares the Christian life to a race. Men and women have different races to run based on our God given gender roles . For you as a Christian woman, part of your race involves you following God’s command in Proverbs 5:19 to ravish your husband. So, you need to ask yourself – what is hindering you in this part of your race?
“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us”
Hebrews 12:1 (KJV)
The truth is that for most women reading this one of two things will be holding you back from following this guide based on the Song of Solomon. Those two things are Fear and Pride. You might be afraid to open yourself sexually to your husband in the ways I have described. You might have too much pride getting in the way and you may be telling yourself that the things I mentioned here are degrading to women.
But the Bible tells us this regarding fear and pride:
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”
1 John 4:18 (KJV)
“But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.”
James 4:6 (KJV)
Perfect your love for your husband by throwing off the spiritual weight of fear in this sexual arena. If you let go of your pride God will give you the grace and ability to bless your husband in the ways we have mentioned here.
And let me mention one last word ladies. You should ravish your husband because God commands it of you and because you recognize that God made you for your husband. But do you know that often times when we do what God commands we will sometimes reap direct benefits as a result of that obedience?
“Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”
Psalm 37:4 (KJV)
When you delight yourself in God by following his command to ravish your husband do you know what just might happen? You may see a passion come from your husband that you have not seen in years or maybe you never saw because you never truly acted on all these principles I have outlined here.
All over the world there are women laying in their beds at night wondering why there is no passion from their husband. “Where is his affection and his feelings toward me?” they may ask themselves night after night but most of these same women rarely asks themselves another very important question which is “What have I been doing to evoke affection and feelings in my husband toward me?”
What if the modern world has it all backwards? What if the world’s formula that “men must romance women first and earn sex from their women” is wrong? What if they are getting the cart before the horse? What if it is the woman that must ravish her husband’s heart first to cause him to have affection and passion towards her?
Throw off the world’s way. Throw off pride and fear and go home and ravish your husband today and follow the example of the woman of the Song of Solomon.
For a good, in depth study of ancient near eastern erotic poetry and sexual metaphors they used – read “Forbidden Fruit: Ancient Near Eastern Sexual Metaphors” by Professor Ronald Veenker of Western Kentucky University. He does a great job of comparing sexual metaphors in Ancient near eastern cultures. And he compares the Song of Solomon metaphors with poetry from nations around Israel and there are some striking similarities.